If Your Not
by BleedOutYourEmpathy
Summary: RaeGar Raven realizes the consequences of having a different anatomy, while Beastboy tries to help her cope with the changes and not annoy her into killing him in the process..
1. Change

Raven stared into the mirror skeptically.

More skeptically then usual, of course.

Her pale hands fiddled on the dark surface like spider webs on an old set of curtains. Soft, but somehow unnerving. But it was more then the visual oddity that had Raven shaking her head in mild puzzlement. This wasn't her Nevermore mirror, make no mistake about that. She had promptly had the sense to lock that away where Beastboy and his whims could never find it. This was a simple hand mirror, borrowed from the bathroom with the knowledge that if she was seen "primping", Starfire would jam herself forcibly down Raven's gullet for hours.

Finally, she set the thing down with a vague feeling of disappointment. She had turned eighteen today, and already she assumed there would be some change. But that was not it. For the past few weeks she had _felt_ a difference. A deep rooted something. And somehow, it was becoming a harder feeling to ignore. She had already run a diagnostic on herself, careful to make sure Cyborg wouldn't think it was anything more then their regular yearly physical exam. It helped that Mammoth had slammed her so hard into a brick wall she had actually bled, however.

He was fine mentally as well, she had checked with each emotion. Even with Rage; who had been surprisingly congenial. Rage hadn't been half the monster now that her father was dead. Her urges were controllable now, to say the least, and that gave Raven one less thing to constantly think about. But this odd, _itchy_ need to find out what was bothering her did. Dressing in day clothes, she decided to walk downstairs, not feeling up to flying around without something substantial in her stomach.

Her footsteps were heard by Robin, who grunted something like: "Hurrow-goo-murnin."

She nodded at the polite gesture, even though his mouth had been full to bursting with some kind of gushy breakfast cereal. She started a bit of tea, deciding to add a bit of milk to help fill her stomach. The result was a odd, calf colored liquid, and she found it more visually appealing then her usual stuff. For some reason. It was like looking at herself, and then Starfire. Opposites, both in their own way very appealing. Shaking off the thought, she took a seat on the other side of the table. She had grudgingly accepted Cyborg's offer to make her a birthday breakfast.

She heard him come in, and busied herself with tapping her fingernails on the tabletop, faintly. She didn't want to succumb to her one annoying habit, but she didn't have a book with her. Even when she was a child, that nervous tick had come into play, until her mother had calmly told her that if her hands needed something to do, there was always chores and tasks to fill them with. Raven brushed off that memory smoothly . Today was for her and her companions, not the past.

She was just about ready to eat the table when her brotherly friend started the burners. He hadn't noticed there was anyone in the kitchen yet, sleepy as he was. Cyborg had a one trek mind, and cooking his best for Raven's birthday was his number one priority today. He flipped the waffles, made sure the bacon was cooking and not burning. He hoped she didn't look in the freezer. They had stowed her small cake in there, knowing she usually didn't eat the frozen pizzas and fries they kept there for themselves.

So far, the birthday was going right. Even Raven had to admit she was pleased, that wrinkle of unease settling for a bit. Her friends knew what she liked after so many years. A quiet day, that was all. A bit of celebration, no loud parties. But they never forgot it. And she, in turn, didn't forget to be grateful they even remembered.

Starfire came in, wishing them a ' Bright, glorious Raven's birthday!", which woke up Robin, who repeated the sentiment, then blushed when Starfire scolded him for 'getting lost in his glarfnaks'. Raven let a small smile show. Those two would never stop with each other. She finally held up a hand to settle Starfire, so smiled and primly told Robin she forgave him, dropping to sit next to her leader/boyfriend. Sipping the tea thoughtfully, Raven nearly went grave-pale when Beastboy fell into her lap, a bat nestled against her neck for a moment, before becoming a boy. He grinned, even though it was a strained version. Knowing the glare she set on her face, the green boy held out a card, and slid into the seat next to her. Cyborg finished his cooking and loaded plates, laughing at his little green pals' antics.

" Happy birthday Rae. Figured I would give you the first surprise of the day; you know. Ugh! Cyborg. Would you get that away from me before I throw up? "

He covered his nose and started to begin the daily tofu tirade, before Raven reached out and covered his mouth, taking a plate from Cyborgs' hand, which had a small fruit salad, and a few waffles. She plunked it down on Beastboy's placemat and uncovered his mouth, digging into her own breakfast without comment. Beastboy took a whiff of the meal and his eyebrows nearly rose until they fell off his head. Tofu waffles? Cy had.. Made him tofu? He looked out the window and shrugged. No apocalypse.

" Um.. Thanks Cy. These taste good."

He dug in, enjoying the quiet and figuring Cyborg hadn't wanted to annoy Raven with fighting. That was nice of him. Usually it was a free for all battle when they ate. But it made him feel a little more.. What was the word he was looking for? Respected. Yeah, like his friend understood his reasons for not eating meat. Smiling brightly, Raven grimaced when The breakfast was over and talk of planning the day began. Why did they have to go out? She _hated_ it, going out. Her pale skin almost ached under the power of earth's sun. Azarath's had been further away from her planet. Just enough to support life. Her friends had never asked about her skin. She was glad, because nothing would make her feel more irritated then their pitying glances every time she ventured into the harsh daylight.

But: she understood their want to make her birthday special. She swallowed her uneasiness and decided her civilian clothes covered a lot more then her uniform did. They all wore them, mostly because it was a bit.. Awkward. When they had started hitting puberty with the strength of Babe Ruth, they all knew it was time to keep the capes and tight skirts for fighting. WAY too much dirty thoughts going through one tower. Raven had barely been able to sleep.

" I'll go a few places, but let's not make this an all day affair. And if one of you even _think _of getting me to buy a pack of cigarettes to 'break in my new age', I'll come back here and we'll have a happy birthday meditation party. "

She said it in her usual, stoic voice, but the way Cyborg's face blanched and Beastboy fell over in a fake faint from horror proved they believed her.

" Fine then, Rae. Why don't we break for some showers and gussying up, and then we can hit the mall?"

They all agreed to Cyborg's plan, Raven disappearing through the ceiling to spend some precious alone time until they decided they were ready. Beastboy blinked a few times out of sheer surprise. She still confused him when she flew off like that. And for some reason he didn't mind.

" She's in a good mood at least. I wonder how she knew my waffles were good. Maybe she developed super senses. I heard that happened to this one weird guy who got bit by a spider.."

Cyborg narrowed his good eye at Beastboy, a look that plainly told him he was mentally challenged.

" Dude, she _told_ me to make'em for you yesterday. Somethin' about how if I didn't we would ruin the morning fighting. I figured I could give her that as part of her present, even though I have to scrub that filthy soymilk taint off in the shower now, with a scratcher-pad and some turpentine."

Gar's eyes were wide and blinking for the second time that day, as Cyborg left the room. Why would Raven even care?

* * *

" I have to admit, this hasn't been half bad. Thanks you guys. "

She gave them that soft smile that told her friends they had made her day. Gar especially liked the way she had that one dimple. He only ever saw the shadow of it, but it was there. One day he would make her laugh so hard that tiny dimple looked like a sideways smile on her face. They had surprised her with Carrot-cake, the only kind she said she liked. Eating, Raven felt that strange sensation again, shuddering and dropping her fork, a light fixture above them flickering into darkness. She had gotten a bit better at controlling herself. Although she HAD blacked out the tower once, in a fit.

" What's wrong Rae?"

Beastboy was puzzled. She had just looked so happy. Now she seemed haunted, like the last few weeks. The rest thought she was brooding over the circumstances of her birth, which they knew she still did at times. But he knew Raven's looks (mostly for his own safety) better then all of them. And this wasn't brooding, it was worry. Almost fear, which wasn't something is friend showed often. If ever.

She shook her head, dark eyes flicking to Starfire's face instead of his. She said it a bit more tersely then she should have.

" I'm fine."

Beastboy felt that irrational urge to snap at her, and quelled it with a thought. It was her birthday after all. Upsetting her would just get Robin and Starfire in a snit, and then Cyborg would g all Big Bro and try to lecture him on girls again. He was eighteen, for hell's sake. He just liked helping them all not have such tight asses.

" Okay then. Oh! Presents! Open, Open, Open!"

He pushed the small pile at her, even though she looked a bit paler then usual. Raven plucked a small package, eager for the distraction. She unwrapped the bright yellow and orange jewelry box with a nod of approval to Starfire, who giggled with delight. The year before, she had shown all of the teammates how to wrap parcel, when they were celebrating Robin's special day. She was sick of seeing all the gifts in bags. That and Beastboy had scratched on her bedroom door with kitten claws for an hour.

Opening the box with a strange rush of adrenaline and thought as to what she would be getting, Raven had to smile at her friend's choice. The small amethyst was pale purple, in the shape of a small star. She fingered the silver chain appreciatively, before brushing her short hair from her face and clasping it around her neck. She stroked the four pointed star and was surprised how good she felt about the gift. It felt.. Right.

" It's beautiful, Star. "

" I wanted you to know that you would always have a part of me with you, Friend Raven. And I was tired of buying you the gift cards of the bookstore. "

The orange-haired girl giggled, while all the boys blushed in shame. Raven had gotten one from each of them the year before, and she was still using them for purchases, trying to remember which balance went to which account. She insisted she enjoyed the practical thought they had put into them, but for some reason her friends hadn't believed her.

Next, she reached for a slightly more sloppy gift, from the fumbling hands of Cyborg. He was better with cars, honestly. But the wrapping was home made, with little computer drawn Edgar Allen Poe faces on it. She unwrapped it gently, planning on saving the paper for something later. It was a picture of herself and Cyborg, wrists deep in T-car. Raven had a smudge of oil on her face and a deep look of concentration, while Cyborg was holding a wrench and an oil-pan up like a sword and shield. Beastboy's work. Cyborg winked at Raven, the only friend to know about the scrapbook she kept of all her memories. It was relaxing, and a nice way to relieve emotions like anger, and bitterness.

She thanked him quietly, moving onto the rest. She still had Beastboy's card, but hadn't thought to open it. Instead she feigned sleepiness and wished them all a good night. But before she passed the threshold of the door, she whispered something that made Starfire smile, Robin look confused, and Beastboy and Cyborg grin like kids who met their favorite hero.

" Thanks guys. I had fun. "

And that was the first day Garfield knew he loved her.Well, as more then the girl who he loved to have beat the crap out of him.

* * *

Raven tossed in her sleep, slapping the covers away like an unwanted lover's touch. When she finally woke, she was covered in a cold sweat, fingers shaking as she ran them through her hair. A back-to-back Slade/Melchior team-up had ruined her sleep. They invaded her sleep like a scorpion in someone's shoe. They usually weren't there. But when you forgot to be careful, they snapped faster then a mousetrap and left you hurting for hours.

' Your changing. Soon you'll start wearing that white leotard again, growing your hair out, and smiling while you rip out your friend's hearts.'

She tried to let those words go, which had slipped out of Melchior's mouth, and later from Slade. Although Slade had seemed to enjoy the idea, while Melchior had a look like someone sucking on sour grapefruit. Probably wishing she would include him in the tearing. She stood and prepared for a hot shower and a long night, when she saw Beastboy's card laying on her nightstand. She fingered the plain white envelope with her name written on it in green colored pencil, a small green kitten toying with the ball of yarn that made up the N.

She set it back down and went about her business of a shower then. Raven wanted to open it later. For now, it had done part of the job of easing her mind. She washed her hair and body, admiring the way one of her scars was healing over, and rinsed off while sliding on her dark pajama bottoms and blue crocheted sweater, rubbing her arms to keep them warm. Finally, she decided to look up, into her mirror.

And she screamed.

* * *

For some reason, Beastboy had a song stuck in his head. It sounded almost like a audio tape his parents had listened to, of Billy Idol. He was shrieking, and shrieking. But soon it started to annoy him. And then he was cold. Very cold. And for some reason his arms hurt. Throwing off his covers, he realized he was hearing a scream. And his light bulb had shattered above him. Rubbing his arms to get the glass out, he winced, running down the hall in nothing but his boxers. Raven.

He slammed a fist on the bathroom door when the handle proved to be locked. Yanking the knob, he heard the others rousing, but they were all at the other side of the floor plan. Deciding to warn her, he yelled out his intention.

" Raven, I'm coming!"

And then, he broke down the door with his bare shoulder, momentum carrying his body through to slam into the petite girl, his taller form catching her before she could hit the ground, pieces of shattered mirror tucking into her own arms. Beastboy pulled them out quickly, taking her discarded towel and wrapping the worst of the cuts with it, tying it until he was assured it wouldn't bleed. And finally, he got a good look into Raven's eyes.

She was terrified.

Pulling her to him, Gar just held her, stroking her soft hair while his friend's stood behind them in the doorway. Cyborg rushed off, knowing Raven was alright. He rebooted the power and changed some light bulbs. She might not want to be in the dark just now. Starfire and Robin wanted to help, but soon Garfield managed to get them to go back to bed. Raven seemed to be fine now. None of them had seen her though. Seen her face. Garfield had overlooked the changes .

But he looked up, getting another visual. Raven stared back, her lower lip still trembling, even if those eyes of hers said she was composed again. Her hair had slid down a bit, to her shoulders. And it was less purple now then before. Or maybe it was because it shined more. And her skin.. It looked as pale ad Gar's had. When he had been human. Her eyes had their deep indigo look still, but her lips were the gray color of charcoal, and she seemed to have sprung an extra inch or so in height. Her nails looked more like claws, and Gar couldn't help but notice a tiny increase in her hip size.

That and the fact that she was putting out a mating smell that was giving him a mad headache.

" You okay Rae?"

She nodded, trying her best to remember that she was a damn demon, not some sniveling little chit who cried when she saw a scary reflection in the mirror. But the girl there was different. Maybe dangerous, Raven wouldn't give up her newly found control, not for anything. But she knew something here was irrevocable. She wouldn't be able to go back to the way she had been now.

" Yes. Although a bit shocked. And also confused. "

" Um.. Why did you scream Raven? I mean you changed a bit, but what's so scary about that?"

He was one to talk, growing three feet and letting his hair get shaggy, like an animal's mane. Raven shrugged, not willing to talk about her doubts. About the fact that everything had grown so _still _inside her. That peace perturbed her more then the turmoil ever could. She didn't want to get complacent. Slade may have been right when he told her about her destiny. All she had to do was make one mistake.

" She looks like that girl who fell for Melchior's tricks. I guess it freaked me out. What do you think happened? We haven't fought anyone in damn near a month. "

She shuddered a bit, feeling violently ill in her own skin. Beastboy shrugged, although he knew the exact reason, and it almost comforted him. But how could he be the one to tell her.. That? No. He would wait. Tell Starfire, or Robin. Yeah. Much better then him.

But then he saw how raw her eyes were with tears. He was a sucker for a lady in trouble.

" Well.. I have a theory. But you might not like it. "

Raven raised a brow.

"Proceed."

* * *

Beastboy explained.

He had always been able to smell Starfire's..

Womanhood.

Fertility.. Cycles. But Raven was different. When her friend's scents changed, hers was always constant. That dried flower smell, like the ones his mother had used to slid into books. But without the change, she was still, in essence, a child. Her body may have formed a bit more curvy then Star's, but Raven wasn't fertile. Wasn't aroused. Wasn't in heat, ever. He had never wanted to mention it, Assuming he had known. After all, how did you not know you were barren? She had mentioned never having a family once, when she was older. He thought that was why.

But the fact was; Raven was a half demon. Her body was different, and it had most likely finally been ready for it's change. She knew when he told her, that he was right. Animal instinct, and every health scan she could think of told her nothing was wrong with her.

She had hit fucking puberty. With a bang.

AN: Hope you all liked it, forgive any errors in gramar or spelling, no beta. Although I shouldn't have a problem if spellcheck did it's wonderful work. I wrote this story while under the influence of Dr Pepper and The Killers new cd. Please review and tell me if it's alright so far?


	2. Blood

Beastboy blushed, waiting for the group to say something. Instead they were trying to fish for flies; mouths hanging open. Cyborg, who'd been eating a Hostess Cherry Pie; had expelled it back onto the plate, his teeth stained with the red goop. All in all, it was like a Candid Camera setup. So Gar wasn't that surprised when Robin started to snicker, shaking his head. The Boy Wonder obviously hadn't computed the fact that he _wasn't _joking.

" Beastboy, there's no way we're gonna believe that Raven hasn't hit puberty in eighteen years. I mean, she was more physically developed then we were at thirteen. But that was a good try, I give you A for effort. "

He flinched when he felt that intense green stare on him, Beastboy internally thanking Karma for getting the bird boy where it hurt. Starfire looked like she would burn a hole through him with laser vision and leave his dying corpse on their front door, to ward off other ignorant males. Raven simply stared off into space, ignoring everyone. Why did they have to ask about her changes anyway? They weren't so.. Horrific in the light of day. Not to her anyway.

" Why is it you've noticed Friend Raven's development so thoroughly, Robin? "

"I um.. That is.. I didn't notice, but we have our picture up above the stove and.. It well.. I just noticed is all, I'm supposed to know things about my team, right?"

The answer appeased her, and the orange haired girl nodded enthusiastically, even though Raven knew Robin would be paid back for his slip up later. Like she didn't hear the girl slipping into Robin's room some nights when she had nightmares or needed advice. Cyborg threw in something about her health scans and estrogen levels, to which Beastboy had no clue how to respond. She decided to cut in.

" Look, Beastboy has the best idea as to what's wrong, and he _isn't _joking. If he had been, I would have already thrown him out the window, and you know it. So instead of closing off and saying it's impossible, remember what I am. I will live longer then all of you, with the exception of Cyborg, and possibly Starfire. I have strange powers and an even stranger mind. Who's to say my body's any different?"

Her voice had that curt edge beneath it, a clear cut admission that she thought Beastboy was right. Few heard it often, but when she took sides; Raven didn't second guess or half start. And Gar felt a well of gratitude for her in that moment. Raven usually would have sat back and let someone explain while she thought of other things, but she had stuck up for him. He relished the momentary union while he could.

" Alright, considering for a second that Raven is.. Going through puberty… How did she not notice she never had a.. "

"A fertile Earth Human's Cycle?"

Starfire finished for him, smiling. She shrugged , pointing to Raven and then back to her own body. She was the only other resident female, and the guys looked to her for an answer to this unsettling news. Although it shouldn't have been such a big deal. But if she was a demon, did her puberty bring on more of her father's traits?

" I myself do not follow the Earth Cycle, but the cycle of my own Tamaranian planet. I don't find it so unbelievable, as friend Raven has never expressed any interest in boys or feminine items one needs during those female times. Perhaps she is what the books call a "late bloomer?"

They all seemed a bit confused by he matter, but none more so then raven. Her arms were healing steadily from the slight cuts from the mirrors, and she noticed only Garfield had the same kind of marks. Perhaps it was because his room was closest to hers, and had taken the brunt of the shock. Her eyes focused into the distance, where she could see from the window, someone repairing the bridge. Usually he would look more like an ant to her eyes, but obviously puberty had a few perks. Besides the ache in her side that had started that morning. Hopefully a growing pain Raven ignored it.

_But then again, you've been ignoring quite a lot of your body's issues lately, haven't you? _

She ignored that inner voice too. It never did her any good before, and it wouldn't now. That wild, desperately lonely and angry half of her she associated with her father. She shifted a bit, not noticing the way Garfield's jaw ticked at the motion. That damn smell..

* * *

Later, she had finished meditating without success. Her mind was in an uproar, this time over the fact that she had no mental issue with the changes that occurred. How could she NOT have an issue? Her demon side could have just been lying in wait, lulling her into complacent mindsets while building up this damn change, as a way to upset her, to make her into that part of herself Raven had always hated. But the avarice of her thoughts had led her to believe it was time to talk to Beastboy.

Changing into some of her baggier clothing, even though that felt too tight now as well; she left her room and knocked on his door, only to find Beastboy gone. Joy, now he had to deal with the living room.

" So what do you think of Rae now, BB?"

Cyborg was trying to distract the boy so he could finish his tinkering. Beastboy could destroy his baby with a sneeze and a monkey wrench, not to mention most of the tower. It was a miracle they weren't living in some charity shelter by now. But then again, with Cyborg, they never got broken enough to have it actually make a difference.

Beastboy pulled a face that would have worried Cyborg if he had been able to see it. He decided to go with his usual answer, to keep the half human menace from knowing a bit too much and telling someone who shouldn't hear.

" I think she looks a lot prettier, but it doesn't matter. Raven doesn't seem like someone who cares about looks. "

" Yeah, your right. I suppose you got over that little crush you had on her by now anyway. I mean, that time she bit your head off and told you to change into something that didn't annoy the.. Excrement out of her. And then threw you into the kitchen with her power? "

That had hurt, mostly because she had been intentionally cruel to him, after he had told someone a secret of hers. She had come to him in confidence though, and he had told Robin her business, so he knew he kinds deserved that.

" I'm over it, but not cause of that. Raven doesn't like guys in general. So I figured I would move on to more mature chicks, ones who could see me for the love machine I really am. I mean; who could resist this face?"

He blinked with puppy dog eyes and Cyborg laughed, throwing an oil stained rag at his green friend playfully.

" Yeah well, don't tell Rae that, she would snap your head off like a twig for calling her immature, girl-changes or not. "

And she wanted to, listening at the door. For some reason she was half wanting to kill him and then cry, or do the opposite, or just.. Raven stiffened and walked off, hoping Beastboy hadn't smelled her at the door. Why should she care what he thought of her? Why was she brought up in the first place? All she heard was Cyborg talking about that incident with Beastboy gossiping about her with Robin. He had said he was over it.

Over it.

* * *

Raven didn't notice the ink-like footprints she left in her wake, or the way they stained into the carpet like odd shaped tears. Reaching the stairs, she climbed to the roof and sat there, watching the sunset in the distance. Today had been horrible. The out of body/ body invasion feeling hadn't stopped, and she had to discuss her bodily functions with her team. And now, Beastboy and Cyborg were _laughing_ at her. As if what was happening was some kind of hilarious joke they could use as material for days.

"_And my eyes, they don't recognize you no more.."_

She heard that song from Starfire's open window, and snorted, allowing the emotion because she was so angry.

" I know how you feel."

Closing her eyes with a snap, Raven didn't feel the pain in her stomach as aptly, or the feel of liquid spreading.

* * *

Garfield didn't leave Cyborg for another hour or so, and smelled the stale scent of Raven outside the door. Usually he wouldn't have known, but the smell was so strong, like someone had soaked a rag with her scent and shoved it under his nose. Shit. He had to know how much she had heard. So he went for the one place Raven always went, when she was so upset she didn't want to chance ruining her room.

Roof.

She looked more asleep then meditating, her legs remained straight and uncrossed, her head leaning in repose against the side of the building. It was a pose he hadn't seen her in, and Garfield would have found it charming, if he didn't notice the sharp smell of blood, a copper penny taste in his mouth that almost gagged him. Or did usually. Raven's however..

He saw a small blotch on the gray concrete, and dipped a finger into the smear, bringing it to his mouth. Before he put it to his lips, a snatch of song from beneath them stung in his ears. The blood was important, in some way. The distraction took his eyes from it, and Beastboy breathed a sigh of relief.

"_She said I don't mind, if you don't mind  
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine… _"

Garfield shuddered down to his toes, before lifting Raven into his arms, and carrying her down the steps, ignoring as hard as he could that sweet blood smell. She wasn't his prey, never would be his prey. He didn't understand that she wasn't to him. All he knew was he didn't want to hurt her, and licking that blood would be an admission to.. To a hunger. A craving he couldn't and wouldn't have.

But he didn't resist the need to bury his face in the side of her neck. The smell of her heat, her need was much more heady, and kept the beast inside him tempered. This was someone he wouldn't hurt, a pack-mate.

A friend.Yes.. friend.

* * *

Raven woke with a throbbing migraine, cottonmouth, and a agonizing pain in her stomach. Was she dying? Hopefully. She felt a hand push the small capsules of medication into her hand, and she took them eagerly, before lifting her eyes open, and seeing that she wasn't in the Titans Tower, but in a hospital? No, the room was too plain and not sterile enough for a hospital..

" Hello Miss Raven, I'm Doctor Ellen. Last name, not first. Before you ask, there's nothing seriously wrong with you, besides that stomach ache. Your friends divulged your unique problems to me, and I examined you here at the clinic. Your feminine workings are perfectly normal I assure you, although what held them off for so long I'll never discern."

Raven looked ready to kill the woman, but closed her eyes and kept them out of the halogen monsters hanging above her and the good physician. They felt like they were scoring her retinas out.

" Why did they bring me, if there's nothing wrong?"

" I didn't say there wasn't anything wrong. I said there was nothing seriously wrong. You were bleeding from your vaginal area, much more then what's normal for most women, so they brought you here, feeling that a female doctor nursed in these things was best to examine you. There's nothing seriously wrong, but I believe your female time might last the duration of a day, give or take a few hours.

I assume this because the frequency of the blood you pass dictates that your time be shorter. It was a simple matter of computation. You should be fine if you stay in bed until the pain passes ,but if this lasts for more then the allotted time, come back."

* * *

Raven was taken back to the Tower, although her friends all tried their best to be sympathetic. She looked both tired and full of pain, and when Beastboy offered to take her to her room, Raven was half asleep and didn't resist the hand, as she wasn't allowed to walk around for another twelve or fourteen hours.

He opened her door and fund the light switch without much effort, placing her in the middle of her bed before pulling the covers up. He would have left, but instead he sat on the edge of the mattress. She looked up then, surprisingly more lucid, and he knew then he had hurt her feelings.

" Look, whatever you heard wasn't.. it wasn't what you think. Cyborg and I were being jerks to talk behind your back at all though, so I'm sorry. And not just because I found you an hour later looking like you were dying. Although that did help speed the apology along. "

She tilted her head at him, like he was a jigsaw puzzle and she was trying to figure out his pattern. But Beastboy didn't really have one, his face was an open book, even when he played pranks. Raven knew he was telling the truth, but that wedge of hurt in her chest hadn't abated at all. Emotions weren't natural for her, they were dangerous, and this female thing had brought on so many at once, she wasn't surprised when the lights dimmed out of hand and flickered back into brightness again.

" At least it was you."

Beastboy felt his heart skip a beat, even though her eyes were resting on the back of his hand, where more of her blood had smeared from picking her up. God, it smelled.. She had complimented him, and her smell was like inhaling those dried flowers, only they suddenly bloomed and where lining your bedside, so you could crush the petals and keep the scent in your head for hours..

"Anyone else would annoy me, but I can beat you into keeping your mouth shut about how I was sleeping. "

He felt his face fall into that telltale Beastboy pout, but cancelled it, and laughed instead.

And she laughed too, for a moment.

* * *

Beastboy had left her to sleep, creeping into his room before any of the others could question the fact that he hadn't showered yet, or that he had stayed to talk to a grumpy and menstrual ridden Raven. Stripping off the clothes, he tried not to stare at the deep, almost black color that had sunk into the black fabric of his pants and the white, plain shirt. They looked like he had been in a car accident.

" That's so freaking gross, that chicks can bleed like that and not.. Die. But hey, better them then me, right?"

He opened the laundry chute and went to toss in the ruined clothes, but his fist wouldn't unclench.

_You know you want to lick that blood off your hand, suck the remains from the fabric of your shirt. It's **her** blood, and your right. _

He threw them down the chute and slammed the latch. What kind of sick freak was he? Stalking to the shower, he turned on the water and waited for it to heat, staring at himself in the mirror.

Focusing on his body instead of that damn stain on his hand, which he noticed was between his thumb and forefinger, Garfield noticed how thin he was, but muscled. The shape reminded him of those creepy Goth guys at Raven's café, where she spent the leisure time. The green skin took away from that, thankfully. His hair had grown out as well, to is shoulders in almost curly waves of dark green. His face had filled out a bit, and he rather liked the manly jaw. AND the extra height.

Jumping into the scalding water, he held the hand to the water. He had to get the blood off, before the stuff drove him insane. It was like the second the stuff touched his skin, he had wanted it, wanted Raven. But he couldn't. She wouldn't want someone who would lick her blood from his skin and sniff at her hair like a fucking dog.

But for some reason, he couldn't stop himself from lifting the stain to his mouth, which was dripping with hot water, coating his eyes so that he closed them, pretending he was tasting chocolate. That instinct that overwhelmed in raged up inside like a typhoon then, before subsiding and sinking into the depths of his consciousness. He had given the beast what it wanted, and felt disgusted with himself.

But underneath that He knew that it was the best thing he had ever tasted.

AN: Thanks for all the great reviews, I just had to pump out a new chappy for you guys. Now, to answer a few Q's.

El Queso de Malicioso and beautifulpurpleflame: Thank you for reviewing, congrats on bpf for beign the first. And I aligned center to see if it would look alright, I'm sorry if it distracted you This one is safely left.

Max927: Right now Raven just looks a bit more mature, but we will see later on if she starts developing a bit more of her father's less cheerful traits.

Knight of Twilight: Thanks for the great review, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

BlackNhite: Yep, my muses are great, so I let them sneak into this chap a little. And I hope I was fast enough for you.

Well, see you all next chapter, which will come sooner if you review.


	3. Secrets

The next morning, Raven came into the kitchen earlier then the rest. Fixing herself a cup of her usual, and hoping it might magically heal the throbbing in her hips, stomach, back, and head she took a seat and let the hot steam warm her face. The blood had ended, and Raven was intensely happy for that. It was this ache that was bothersome. Ellen had told her it would be like that, and that she actually had an advantage over a regular cycle. Oh yes. Because THIS felt so much better then five days of mild bleeding and a few naps.

She shoved back that annoyance. Pain as immaterial. Coping with it was more important, because snapping at her friends after they had been so considerate would ruin the tentative peace they had held in the tower for the past few years. And they did try very hard to meet her halfway. When they weren't behind closed doors laughing, that was. Laughing at her like she was a damned joke. She heard the teacup break before she saw it. Cleaning up, she reiterated the mantra in her head. Self control.

Beastboy had apologized, and she knew he had been sincere. But that dull ache of resentment hadn't gotten any better. She had to get out. She'd leave them a note. She just couldn't handle feeling so volatile around them. Starfire would cry if Raven snapped at her, in this kind of mood, or she would end up having to pay for the city to replace all the windows again.

Raven went upstairs, quickly choosing a random set of mostly matching clothes, throwing them on, brushing through her hair and adding a thin layer of sun-block, because she wasn't up for any sucking it up and letting her skin char today. She hurt everywhere else. Making sure her wallet was in her back pocket and her communicator in the other, Raven left. They'd call if they got worried.

* * *

Beastboy hadn't realized that the blood was something potent. He thought , like any sane person, drinking blood would just make you an outcast and an absolute freak. No harm there, right? But when he felt Raven gone.. Felt, not knew, and the itch in his blood became almost too much to bear, he threw on some clothes and wondered why he was so pissed she had gone. Rae left all the time, without telling anyone.

Still, as he took his time and showered, dressed, groomed and tied his sneakers ( mostly to spite the instinct) he knew. Something wasn't normal. He was angry, very irrationally and selfishly, at her. For leaving, for not asking for company, for not being so good as to inform the guy who had carried her to her bedroom weak with blood loss the night before; where she was going.

Or perhaps he was just jealous. But Beastboy stuck with indignity and petty bones. Safer that way, for all involved. Was she still pissed at him? He had apologized. But then again, a woman bleeding from an uncomfortable orifice wasn't a very forgiving woman. More like a caterwauling banshee from hell, in most aspects.

He knew where she'd be. That little Café from hell or whatever. So that's where he would go. She shouldn't have been going out anyway, after what had happened.

* * *

Raven was trying to decide how to kill the girl who took her order for wearing that much pink and calling herself goth or emo or whatever the trend was today; when she noticed Beastboy from the corner of her eye. She took enough time choosing to irritate both him and the pink clad girl with the nametag that proclaimed she was Fayte. Jesus, another yuppy in disguise.

Taking her change and her beverage, which was cold, go figure, and her muffin, she took a seat at a table and let the dull throb of music in her head sooth her. The headache was gone at least. And she noticed Beastboy was almost as annoyed as she was. Another score for this slowly improving day. He took a seat beside her with a small chuff of annoyance. Wooden chairs? Yeah. They didn't want much patronage.

" Christ Rae, it feels like someone's harpooning me to this thing. I didn't think this was one of those kinky bondage places. "

And to her horror, she laughed. Maybe because they WERE bad chairs or because she was glad that he cared enough to come after her even if she expressly showed them she wanted to be alone simply by not being with them.

" Well, everyone has a dark side Beastboy. I keep my whip and ball gag in another pair of jeans unfortunately."

She pretended not to hear him spit out his mouthful of soda. Must have brought it with him. Beastboy just gaped at her for a minute. Rae. Joking. And not about his stupidity. He looked outside for the second time in as many days. No apocalypse. Doubling back, he did a silent check for flying pigs. Again, no cigar.

" Why do you hang out here anyway? These look like the kind of people you kind in a rich counselor's office, telling Oprah Winfrey Jr. how they hate mom and dad cause they won't sign them a release for an eyebrow piercing. "

Rae took another look around. His description was apt. Only a few people looked like they hadn't sat in front of the mirror for hours. But the atmosphere there was comfortable, quiet. And that's why she enjoyed it. Nobody spoke to her. And the music was interesting.

She pointed across the way, to a silent man reading a book about the trials of someone or another, absolutely bald. His brown eyes and pale skin were unremarkable. But Raven kept her eyes on him for a few seconds longer then intended.

" People like him. He has cancer, and the first time he came, he plunked down and started reading. Somebody asked him why he wasn't out doing everything he could before he died. He told them he'd prefer to do what he loved. Read, in a quiet café, drinking tea. I suppose it's as good a reason as any."

Beastboy ignored the twinge of anger when he noticed her lingering eyes. She better not have fallen in love with that guy. He was older then her for one. And for two, he was dying. Did she purposely set herself up for falls? Guy looked like a walking skeleton. Asshole.

He checked himself at that. Wonderful, a whole new low, for him. Calling a cancer patient an asshole. But something inside him agreed with that statement, when it could dig it's head out of Raven's scent. Lingering old blood and flowers. He sat in the silence with her until she finished, and then, unspoken, they both got up to leave, walking together.

The sun was just starting to hit the middle of the sky.

She took them to the shore, staring over the brightly shimmering scales of the water. The tower stood like the titans they emulated. Raven sighed, like she was seeing that man again, like this was some beautiful, little death. Staring at home, just across the way.

Beastboy turned to look into her face. Changed, but in a good way. It made her look more mature. Not mature enough for that old, two faced, diseased-

He snarled. Enough.

Raven turned to look at him, stoic for once, watching her watch something else. His brows were furrowed, his eyes brittle, like someone had spit in his tofu. Why was he angry? She had been having a fine morning. Whatever. Men.

But when she went to take a step, he touched the sleeve of her shirt. So Raven stopped, turning to look at him.

" Yeah?"

Biting his lip, she noticed his fangs looked a bit bigger. No, it was just the sun illuminating his face too brightly. Projection.

"If you weren't happy, you'd tell us, right?"

Blinking, she wondered what made this come on. Was it their business if she was or wasn't? Instead of speaking, she used her fingers to pry his off of her shirt, before levitating gently above the water, one step over it, turning to look at him. Beastboy thought she looked like a water goddess, her purple becoming light azure in the shine of the water.

" If you asked. Now are we going or am I going to leave you here to wax poetic?"

They didn't speak of their day to the others, although they were naturally curious? Beastboy was cornered later in the garage by a almost angry Cyborg. What he had to be pissed about was beyond the boy. Until Cyborg started asking him stupid questions. The half mach was keeping his eyes on everything but Beastboy, making something that vaguely resembled a carburetor.

" So, did you and Raven have fun on your _date_? "

Blinking, Beastboy wondered if they'd all had that impression.

" Dude, it wasn't a date. She left this morning for some reason, and I must have heard her close the front door. I didn't want her collapsing in a heap in the middle of the Square, so I spent the morning with her."

Cy grunted, continuing his project before looking up for once, and Beastboy saw the look. A look most guys caught but b few could understand. The smell of his aggression and tension gave it away though. More then gave it away, amplified that stare into something almost accusing.

" What? I'm not trying to date Rae! I just.. Can't a guy be worried? And even if I was, it's not like you have any room to-"

Cyborg tossed the project underhand, standing and wiping his hands on his overalls. The dull thud was more like a screech. When he approached Beastboy he didn't look angry. That silent poker face. His hand touched Garfield's shoulder and the boy tried not to flinch. He looked about ready to break him in half. And for what? A girl?

" I do have more then enough room, B.B. Rae is like my sister, and even if she doesn't know it, she needs protecting sometimes too. I'm sorry, this puberty stuff has just had me bugging out. I mean… she was always more mature and intelligent then us. Imagine , this was all while she was technically still a kid?

I mean, this means that she's finally ready for a real relationship, if she ever wants one. And you two disappearing freaked me out. I know you wouldn't.. take advantage of her or anything. I was just worried. "

* * *

They left each other that night with nothing resolved but both determined to pretend all was.

Raven sat in her room. She wondered if all of them were purposefully avoiding her or not. Star and Robin had someplace to be, Cyborg and Beastboy were in the garage. Did it bother them, that all this time they had been fighting with a child? She hadn't thought it was important. Hadn't even known if she had a feminine cycle, or needed one to mature.

And now, all she could think about was the look on his face.

" _If you weren't happy, you tell us right?"_

She set down her book and wondered if she should tell them. No. It wasn't the right time.

AN: Hello guys! Sorry for the huge absence, I had a lot of family things going on. Thank you to all of the faithful reviewers, Queso, beautifulpurpleflame, BlackNHite. And to Raven in the Dark and Raven'sDarkSide, who inspired me to make another chapter.And to all the others. I promise, two updates a week from this point on.


	4. Scath

AN: Alright, I'm moving this to the top for now, just because I'm always bursting, wanting to reply to my reviews before I push out a chapter, and it distracts me. Thank you to anyone who added me to their alerts and favorites, I'm more then overjoyed. 

And of course double thanks to my reviewers, Queso in particular, who hasn't given up on me. And that E hug was awesome, danke. Also to pimpofthetitans, and yes; this story is indeed awesome. Max927, I'm glad to be back; and to have you back. BeastBoy IS unnaturally jealous, we'll see why soon . .. Kiome-Yasha, welcome back. And yes, the jealous BeastBoy is a feast of win, not to mention all of the titans' doubts in general, knowing Raven has been so intelligent and technically a kid. I sense trouble on the horizon.

Well, this chapter was influenced by Billy Squier, Billy Idol, Jimmy Hendrix, root-beer, Salt and vinegar chips, and skulls.

Starfire waited for Robin to finish his letter before knocking on the door. She could hear him seal the thing and send it. Robin had and always would be a very private person, she knew. And nothing was more private then his letters to Bruce Wayne, co-founder of the T - tower and funder of their escapades. Not that any of them told Robin that, not directly.

They told him it was the government, safer, and much easier to swallow.

She shook that train of thought out and entered when he quietly gave permission. He had turned in his desk chair to face her, and she was glad he'd removed the pictures of Slade. The man was gone, and it was more then time to move on, not that it had been easy to convince Robin of that. He settled for a criminal roster of the men they had fought and their various weaknesses and strengths, Slade in the number one slot, with a small gray X across his face.

Dead. Slade was dead. Time to get to the point. She curled into his non-descript covers in her cheerful pajamas; shuddering softly as the air conditioning crept up the back of her neck. Robin watched her curiously. She always did that, and for some reason, it endeared her to him more each time. Maybe it was the sheer look of surprise; like she truly hadn't been expecting it.

He saw the shadow of her hard nipples on her shirt and looked away before he made an idiot of himself. Stupid. She would have been so angry with him, infatuation or not. Or so he told himself. Robin settled for a greeting that wasn't so obviously happy.

"Something wrong, Star?"

She looked up at him, and he noticed light, dewy tears in her eyes. Star was an emotional creature, and none of them resented her for it. Maybe because they knew she wasn't fake, that when she felt something she really felt it, one hundred percent. No holding back. And only Beastboy could be said to hold that kind of title, and even him only half the time.

"Oh Robin; I worry for friend Raven. She seems so ..distant."

She struggled for the word for a moment. Raven was naturally quiet, so that wouldn't have done. This one seemed to fit. As if she had become an adult and was now in a completely different atmosphere then them. Or perhaps they felt that way. Robin distracted her by sitting down next to her, putting a nervous arm around her shoulder.

" Don't worry Starfire, I'm sure she's just having trouble adjusting. I mean, imagine how awkward it would be, knowing you were physically different from everyone around you? She'll lighten up. Maybe she just needs some friendly distraction."

She blinked for a moment. Why hadn't she thought of that? She hadn't offered to do something with Raven since her accident, and even though the girl rarely accepted, perhaps she was lonely enough to, this time. After all, she had grown, and grown more in the bust.. Perhaps new clothes?

She threw her arms around Robin in a big hug, thanking him with a happy chirp before running off to ask Raven. He just shook his head with a laugh and wondered what she saw in him. Opposites really did attract.

* * *

_"Take me in your arms; love me in the night.."_

Cyborg jammed while he set up the T Car for all of them, adding the backseat, having taken it out to help someone move their furniture. Raven wished, for just a second, she hadn't accepted the offer. But she was living in her pajamas, and even if nobody else noticed the difference, she did, damn it all.

She had already put in the request for the altered uniforms without much care to Batman's questions. Let him write it off as a growth spurt; she had enough people aware of her ovaries to last her a lifetime. The song was loud and obviously eighties, but the lyrics weren't so god awful, and Cyborg obviously had a soft spot for it, so she clamored into the backseat without preamble.

Beastboy hurried up into the seat next to her, and she thought she saw him glare at Starfire just a bit, before apologizing for cutting her off and helping her into the vehicle. At least she wasn't the only one on edge in this thing. He had been for a while now. Ever since that night..

Raven wondered if she hadn't made him angry somehow. No.. He seemed more worried then angry. She'd caught him staring off into space with a scowl on more often then not lately. Was he worried because of how he'd found her? Trying, in some Beastboy-ish way, to protect her? If so.. It was very obnoxious. But also a tiny bit flattering.

Beastboy himself had been struggling for days. Every time she looked at someone else he felt his muscles go taut. It wasn't jealousy. It was just.. It was nerves. She was his friend, and she hardly ever looked at him, did she? No. it was always someone else with her attention, with her little smiles and her conversation. But that wasn't jealousy. Nope. Just friendly irritation. Strictly friendly.

He started when she pressed a finger to his shoulder, silently moving him a half inch away from her. Their shoulders had been brushing. Did she think he was disgusting or something? Want him to get away from her? Did he smell bad, or was he invading her space? It was unconscious was all. She was the best smelling of their group, especially now.

He just wanted to be close to her.

* * *

The discount outlet wasn't crowded, and Raven thought it was the best choice for buying things. They were allotted a certain amount each month for their duties; but none of them were millionaires, who could afford a new wardrobe from the mall. Here, she could get eight shirts for less then forty dollars.

And there weren't incessant chattering hags milling about, staring. Oh, the joy.

She went to work flipping through racks, tossing yes's into the cart. Starfire was helping. Beastboy eyed a couple things he wondered if she would like. He saw her lift a black sleeveless turtleneck from the rack and hold it up to herself. It would accent her large assets. An but she would wear it in public. Other people would ogle her..

She put it back. He sighed in relief. Damn it, these instincts were getting out of hand. He wanted to protect his pack-mate, not piss her off by being territorial.

And of course that was when Starfire found the shirt. Note, not A shirt. THE shirt.

" Friend Raven! Would this be to your liking? It is in the color of night time. "

Raven raised an eye. Starfire liking black? But no, she was referring to a deep, navy color. A sweater with long sleeves, a high color that folded and would spill a bit, a waterfall effect of the neck. Embroidered into it was soft, tiny silver stars. Unlike most shirts with that effect, it was very attractive. Simple and elegant. And Raven wanted it.

Most of the time a shirt that could be THE shirt was just the right amount of slutty and suggestive. But not for Rae. For her, this one was THE one. It would accent every beautiful part of her. Statuesque neck, strong shoulders, chest, slim belly, flowing hips..

Beastboy wanted to tear it in half. And that was when he realized this was jealousy, this was possessive to the worst degree. And that if he didn't stop emanating crazy Raven would feel it, and then he'd be in the throes of agony for sure.

But damn it.

* * *

With her purchases and a weary smile on her face, she fell into a kitchen chair as she started in on dinner. Robin had made them some kind of pasta. He wasn't a horrifyingly bad cook. She had actually had fun, felt a bit less self conscious about this whole thing. There had been no comments about their " baby" getting a new wardrobe. Nothing.

Starfire was positively beaming, perhaps because Raven had agreed to go with her again sometime. Raven felt guilty now, all those times she had blatantly told the girl she wasn't interested. If she made the slightest effort, if any of them did, she was happy. Ignoring those pangs of guilt, she wondered where Beastboy was. Leaving the table with a few excuses about having something to do, she went to look for him. He had been acting huffy and resentful all day.

It wasn't like him; and she was worried.

* * *

Beastboy was training. And by training ; he was just beating the snot out of a punching bag with both fists. He hadn't been this irrationally pissed since the Beast. And he didn't understand it, not at all. She was allowed to wear whatever she wanted ( even if it would attract dirt bags) and he had to accept it( even though she was stupid to think-)

That train of thought crashed into a dark wall and died in agony and fire. No. Raven wasn't stupid. She was fucking brilliant and funny and fierce, and she hid all that because she didn't want anyone to be hurt by it. He respected that more then she could ever know. He felt his raw knuckles scream in protest and winced. Raven stood with one hip cocked, a tin with ice under her arm.

"Hey."

He couldn't think of anything else to say. He didn't feel like he'd been caught at anything, instead he wondered just how long she'd been watching. If she had liked what she had seen. She didn't look like she was worried at all. Instead, she came closer, lifting his hand to inspect. He was bleeding lightly.

"Beastboy, I don't know what's bothering you, but stop destroying your hands and the equipment. It isn't constructive."

He knew why she didn't just heal him. He didn't like it, Letting her hurt herself to make them feel better. So she pulled him to the table in the workout room, mostly used for workout regimen reading and bandaging, and plunked that hand firmly into the water. He did the other on his own, and Raven watched his face, while he watched her watching. If she was looking for an explanation, he had none.

"Your hiding something. But that's okay. We all have secrets. But if it bothers you this much, maybe you should tell someone."

She broke with his eyes, a green that reminded her of shoots of bamboo, and looked outside, out the window, away from him. Beastboy wanted her to look back. Needed her to. He felt his hands curl into fists in the pinkish, icy water.

" And what about you? If I told you to tell someone your precious secrets you'd knock my block off. And don't deny it Rae. You ever think that maybe it's private? Or were you too busy ignoring me?"

She didn't even give him the offended glare he wanted.

" If I was ignoring you I wouldn't have noticed now would I? And mine are different. Dangerous. I tell you what you have to know, and if you need to know more I tell you more."

She stood, and he didn't give into the impulse to grab her sleeve. He'd already made an ass of himself. But he just wanted-

She had turned to leave and stumbled over the leg of her chair; her shirtsleeve coming up.

To reveal a trailing of tattoo like symbols up her arm, a symbol glowing black on her forehead. Right as she touched him.

The mark of Scath.


	5. Suspicion

First off, to Queso, the oh-so-reliable-reviewer; believe me, it won't be corny I have a good reason, or excuse or whatever. And to everyone else who reviewed, DANKE!

* * *

Beastboy didn't know what to do. He certainly knew what he wanted to do, but that was stupid. She'd kill him. She'd stop looking so scared just because she was close to him, and then she'd kill him. Brutal, painful, enduring.. death. His hormones didn't listen to him, but by then she'd removed herself and stood, adjusting her sleeves as the marks disappeared again. No, not disappeared.

It was like they sunk back into her skin.

" You.. weren't supposed to see that."

Duh.

Her palms felt hot, and her skin where the marks traced up her body. They'd never done that before. flashed black. She thought they would obey her, after her father. And they had. Until now, when Beastboy had touched her bare skin. And somehow, with a touch, everything she saw about him fundamentally changed.

His face was flush, cheeks a darker, almost dusky shade of green, his palms fists in the fabric of his loose cotton pants. She saw his nails were putting little slivering crescents into the fabric, tearing and revealing green skin underneath, thigh. His shoulders and arms were bunched, muscles and bones seemingly drawn tight. A marionette whose strings had been pulled; who had been brought to life.

His eyes were for her, watching with a predators wariness and a friends concern. And something else. But that was just his foolish teenage hormones. It had to be. He was upset, his emotions running rampant, and she had gone and fallen into his lap.

" Hell Rae. That's.. how long? When did it come back? Does that mean _he's _back? We should tell Robin, he'll kn-"

She waved him off with a hand.

" It's nothing. I mean really, nothing. "

And when she tried to turn away from him, this time he grabbed her wrist, not her sleeve. And the marks came again, withdrawing a small hiss from Raven's mouth, an almost moan as the pain of them revealing themselves made itself known. Damn it. It was like a limb waking up, only it was lightening instead of pins and needles. It asserted itself in every nerve. Beastboy stared. Removing his hand again, they once again disappeared. Touching again. Raven shoved him back with the small of her hand, putting more force into it then she knew, bowling Beastboy over.

" _Stop."_

Her eyes were cold when she said it, bust as the marks reverted again, she took a seat at the table. Beastboy stood, trying very, very hard not to say something hurtful. Who did she think she was? All he'd been doing was looking, he hadn't been manhandling her or anything. But she was pissed. So he would hear her out about her creepy dad's creepy fucking logo for Hell Inc. or whatever before running for Robin's room faster then a gay fan with a hacked door-key.

Raven took a breath. He was angry. Good. Angry she could deal with. Was safer then what she had felt before. That made her palms sweat.

" I've always had those marks Beastboy."

" Don't act like I'm an idiot Raven, I didn't see them before he showed up and I didn't seem them since."

She shot him a look that told him not to interrupt. Beastboy felt like giving her the finger. Whow as she to- No. Composure.

" I hide them, genius. Who would want birthmarks like that showing all the time? Not me. They glowed black, not red. Which means it's not my father's influence. It's nobody's. Their just.. Underneath the surface. I don't know why you touching me makes them come out. It hurts. It always hurts. "

She stood. He stood with her. He'd been hurting her. God damn , why was he always the one doing something wrong? Always the one making these mistakes with her. Raven saw that look. He was blaming himself. But she'd never told him, Any of them.

" Don't worry about it. Just try not to touch me in front of the others. Their pity party would be well attended, I'm sure with a complimentary box of tissues. "

She wanted to leave. To get away from his for once serious eyes catching her own, trying to ask her something she didn't want to answer. She wanted to run away from him. From his questions. From her own. Why would the mark react to him? Why would a long dead Demon's mark on a half demon flare from the touch? From Beastboy's touch.

It wasn't love. Their was no such thing for her father's kind. Something else. Darkness maybe.

She couldn't bear that thought. That this mark was drawing Beastboy. Calling him somehow. For some darker purpose. But no. It was just a reaction. She'd find some explanation that would make her forget this even happened.

He knew she was scared. Her face only closed off like that when she was terrified. He'd seen it perhaps twice before. Melchior, Trigon. And he did was anyone would do. He took her into a hug, and when she started to struggle against him, to fight, he just rubbed her back, careful not to touch her skin.

" It'll be okay Rae. Stop worrying. And trying to kick me. I have shins of .. Really strong bone."

She had stiffened the moment he'd wrapped her into himself. He smelled so good. They all did. She hated that. Who had the right to smell so good, to feel so comforting? She wasn't. She wasn't in their league. Their atmosphere even. And every time they tried this touchy feely bullshit, it became even clearer.

" Let. Me. Go."

" No."

* * *

Beastboy managed to crawl back to his room, clutching his bruising testicles. Why hadn't he just let go? He had tried. It was like his fingers didn't move. And his voice had gotten thicker. He felt a sickening lurch in his stomach. The Beast? No. It was gone. Gone forever.

Besides; even if he was a little bit on edge lately; even if it was a bit of the Beast left in him..

What would it want with Raven, of all people?

* * *

Raven trained with Robin on Thursdays. Mostly because her physical endurance was crap. Too much magical ability. Through very hard work and overcoming the fact that even with the growth spurt she would still never reach five feet seven; they'd found a way to make sure that she could protect herself with more then cheap shots.

Robin focused her on physical attack instead of weapons. They'd tried that, and she'd damn near harpooned him with a glaive, telling him that he should have been prepared, being the teacher.

She felt sweat drip down the small of her back as she ran, stretched, practiced, and fought Robin, then repeat. Nobody watched them. Star trusted Robin, and Raven did as well. For good reason. Robin did all this to make sure she survived. Nothing else. Even if they hadn't been friends, he would have done it, to keep her from being a liability. And that was why Raven respected him. His ability to shut down his feelings when important decisions could be made.

Good, not to be the only one on a team with hard logic.

Today though, she wished he would back the hell off so she could shower. Sleep. Meditate.

Anything to destroy the monster known as yoga.

Raven was currently twisted in some kind of animal position, trying not to cut off her air supply, to let her limbs be as water, like Robin instructed. One problem. She was a solid. Very solid. Especially remembering the night before. Beastboy's face when they'd touched. Dusky cheeks..

Raven felt her own hand brush her cheek and heard Robin grunt in disapproval. She went back to the task at hand.

* * *

Beastboy wondered what they did in there. If Robin touched her during the exercises, showing her how to stretch what, when to swing.. Lousy bastard. Pawing her when he was with- Shit. There it was again. He shut down that voice without preamble.

Robin wasn't in there taking advantage of Raven. Not after what had happened. But had he before? And if so, did that make him a child molester? Ohh, golden boy in jail for touching Raven. That was a fantasy to indulge. If he laid a FINGER on her..

Beastboy slapped himself in the face. Damn it all. Nothing was happening in there!

_If that's so, then why is it an unspoken rule that nobody interrupts these practices? If it was anyone else, Robin would leave the door open. He has something to hide. _

No.

Neither of them had a fucking thing to hide, why the fuck was he so suspicious?!

But then again.. Why didn't they leave the door open? Wasn't what against some policy? Robin never shut the door when they were training.

But he was a guy. And Rae wasn't. Was Robin just respecting her privacy?

* * *

Raven was doing pull-ups and struggling. Robin stood behind her, demanding a better job. So she was giving it everything she had. Trying to anyway. But her mind was elsewhere. So when her sweat coated palms slipped right off the metal bar and she started to fall, her first impulse wasn't to hover, but to brace for impact. Robin reached out, catching a clothed arm, but she was going to fast, and soon they were sprawled on the floor, Raven braced on her arms and knees with Robin on top of her, wincing in pain from having just knocked the air out of his lungs against her spine. 

He leaned up, getting off of her and Raven rolled onto her back, panting in pain. Her wrist hurt. Badly. She'd never broken a limb before; but she was pretty sure this was it. The pain in her face startled Robin, who reached out to help her up.

Right as Beastboy opened the door.

He took a second to take in the scene. Raven was lying on the floor in a heap, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes filled with some kind of pain. Robin was standing above her, a hand extended. Her face tilted to the side.

Had that bastard just hit her?

Robin helped her up, and Beastboy wondered how much of the concern in his face was a show. Sick fuck. Raven was herself again now, looking at Beastboy like she thought he was made out of solid wall.

" Beastboy? Did you need something?"

It wasn't until he'd punched Robin in the jaw that Raven noticed he looked a bit perturbed. She tried to get them to stop, but ended up being shoved out of the way. Soon, both of them had been slammed into the floor by her, a grip of black spell-magic wrapping them. She dropped it when they both looked calmer.

" I'm going to have this set at the hospital. If either of you two grow up anytime soon, I'll see you tonight at dinner. "

After she left, the silence was so oppressing Hitler was jealous.

* * *

The doctor, an E.R. one, who looked very obviously tired, was a pale blonde. His name was Ashford, and when he shook her hand she smelled nothing but antiseptic. He'd been on shift a while.

" Well ma'am, it seems everything is in order. You caught it at just the right angle. Fell on it I mean. Momentum and all that. We'll have to cast it."

He was so cheery Raven wondered what he was on. Masochist.

When she returned that night the Tower was cheery, the lack of Robin and Beastboy around putting her at ease. Star asked her how she felt and what had happened, and Raven ignored the question until it was dropped. Cyborg just handed her a plate and told her he hoped she'd feel alright.

Beastboy heard them downstairs. Robin and he had obviously decided not to tell anybody. Mostly because Beastboy had concluded Robin loved Star and didn't want to be in dutch, and because Beastboy had indeed caught him in the middle of a guilty act. And because Raven was in denial, he decided to hide out up here until she decided to come see him for a change. After all..

He'd only punched Robin and made a complete ass of himself.

She would never let anyone abuse her. She was too proud for that. He'd been so.. Not jealous, worried.. That he had misconstrued.

And now everyone would hate him.

Fuck.

" Why the fuck can't I stop thinking about Raven? "

He buried his head underneath his pillow.

If she hadn't smelled so good.. If he hadn't licked that blood.

His thoughts were interrupted by the alarms. An attack.

Finally.


	6. Emotion

AN: Wow, I got a shit-load of reviews this time. Sorry about all the typos and swearing in the last chapter, but honestly, I cuss a lot when I think too.. Danke to all the reviewers, even the Barney and Teletubbies wielding one… cowers in fear

Robin rubbed his jaw without speaking as they approached the source of all the drama. It as the remote guy, the fat, nerdy one. Robin tried in vain to recall the name…Control Freak. Yeah. Sometimes he would internally designate that guy as Star Wars guy and imagine him swinging a fake light saber around like a drunken playboy bunny with a..

Oh, they were there.

After five seconds of debate Raven had been brought along. Her powers made up for he loss of one arm, and they already told her she was to hang back, to wait unless S-Control Freak tried to escape. Beastboy had come along, and even though Robin had expected problems the boy had been quiet, rather quick to take and follow orders thus far. Robin, in all reality, wasn't very angry with him.

Beastboy wanted Raven. Robin wouldn't call it love, or anything to that effect. But the boy wanted her, and wanted to protect her too. He'd come to his senses eventually. Or Raven would kill him.

The fight was going well. Robin tried to focus on the melee and objectively find a solution to the annoying zit covered blob currently trying to kill all of them. He was bandying some kind of device about and exclaiming about it's talents. He was babbling about testing it.

And then he made the mistake of pointing it at Starfire.

Robin took a dive for him, pulling out his bo staff. He was too slow, but Starfire wasn't hit, Beastboy swooping in as a pterodactyl and gliding safely away before the alien girl thanked him and rejoined the battle. Cyborg was trying to find some way to negate the effects of whatever it was C.F. was using.

And then, somehow, it was over. Battles never took long. Five or ten minutes unless the opponent was particularly crafty. But Control Freak wasn't stupid. He saw the tide the fight was going in and decided to book it while the booking was good. Which sent him in one direction. Raven.

Robin saw her reach out with her good hand and try to wrap him in the black fire. He must have anticipated that, pressing a button on his new and improved loser-suit. That caught Raven off guard. So when he got close enough, she did the first thing that came to mind.

She broke his nose.

Howling at this point, Control Freak was fumbling for something to use, and managed to wrap his hand around the hilt of an object, ripping it from the belt and aiming it at Raven, who swung out with her god arm for another shot. He caught the punch. Amazingly. And aimed the device directly into her eyes.

Before something with the power of a freight train slammed into his side, taking him to the ground with a velocity that was so resounding Robin was sure he heard a crack. But the green superhero hadn't shifted. Hadn't changed at all. And now, he tore the utility belt form Control Freak's waist and lifted him up by the scruff of his shirt. Beastboy's face was set in a deep grimace, his jaw locked and his eyes burning with a slow roasting case of fury.

" You are _really_ starting to piss me off."

And with that, the fight was over. Robin watched Raven to see if she had noticed. She stood, rubbing her knuckles. And frowning. Maybe it was time to tell her what she needed to know about Beastboy. Because if the tension didn't stop building up, the team would suffer for it. He couldn't get hurt protecting her. Or go too far hurting the enemy for the same reason.

But he hadn't needed that kind of talk. After a certain amount of time getting used to their feelings, he and Starfire had been very up front and adult about things. But it was a bit different for them, he imagined. Beastboy was… well not wild, but .. There was a feral nature about him that had always rubbed Robin the wrong way. And no matter how much he tried to tell himself Beastboy wasn't a danger; he could never really get past it.

And Raven was a half demon, Surely there were more then a few differences between her species and his. The animal attraction between the both of them had always been there, and the steady rapport they had going would only prove to them their compatibility.

If they didn't kill each other.

* * *

Back at the tower, everyone went to change into their civvies. Beastboy was sighing relief at the absence of the almost itchy material. And the fact that nobody would be gaping at Raven's bare thighs any time soon. She had beautiful ankles too. And her right hook had been amazing. How could she have been that stupid though? She was injured, and practically walked right into Control Freak's hands.

He could have blinded her with that thing. That had been Beastboy's only thought. She wouldn't have been a Titan anymore. He would have had to give her up, to the real world, where she would be so mediocre, so overlooked. And Control Freak would have gotten what, a couple years? Had Raven thought of that? Of how much she worried them?

He had been gripping the porcelain edge of the tub. Now he was holding two handfuls of dusty powder. Damn it. How did Robin do it? Let Starfire fight all the time, never really jump in right away when he thought she might get hurt? The guy loved her, that was obvious. But he.. Not like that Beastboy felt. Beastboy's feelings were so unclear, fluctuating between possession, want, rage, jealousy, and desire.

And lord, did he want her. In that animalistic way, the curve of her neck, the dangerous flash of her eyes when she was angry. The crush of her fist into the jaw of people she fought… it was all arousing. Even the vulnerable side, crouched beside a bathroom mirror with glass in her arms. Falling into his lap startled and scared. A soft , pleased birthday smile.

He wanted it all.

Standing, Beastboy left his room before he lost his courage. It was time to talk to Robin.

* * *

Raven was meditating. It was peaceful in the living room, all of them tired from dealing with the handling and turning over of Control Freak. Cyborg had confiscated all the man's toys and was doing some tinkering in his room. Starfire had whisked Robin off the second they had gotten back. Beastboy was changing and showering. And she was sitting in the living room with her eyes closed. Trying to retain an image of calm.

But inside, there was a tempest.

She couldn't reach that place in her mind. Where she found all aspects of herself It had ceased to be. She hadn't been there since her change. And now there was nothing to go back to. But how could that be? How could there be no Nevermore, if that was her mind?

Had she simply grown out of it?

A frustrated sigh and a continuation of her studies was all she allotted this thought. Nevermore wasn't essential to her state of mind. If it wasn't there anymore, that simply meant the rift between her emotions and her on self had healed, and that they had become one inside of her.

She has matured. Her mind had grown up as well.

She blamed these new feelings on that. On the swell she felt when she remembered Beastboy slamming into Control Freak, of the growl she swore she had heard, the should of his breaking femur when he hit the pavement. The tone and tenor of his voice when he had tried to reign himself in. The vision of his blush in the empty gym. Of Robin being caught off guard, of Beastboy hurting him, all because he thought Robin was hurting her..

He had been protecting her. When had that started?

And when had she started to like it?

* * *

Robin was in his room when Beastboy knocked, sitting at a computer, typing so fast his fingers flew, his eyes a bit too close to the screen. Beastboy's knock startled him , but he mumbled a red faced greeting while he finished his sentence before shutting down the monitor before the knob made a complete revolution.

Beastboy's face entered the doorframe.

" Can we talk?"

Robin nodded, looking more then a little uncomfortable for a second.

" Yeah, what did you need?"

Beastboy managed to lean against the doorframe once he shut it. Biting his bottom lip for a few moments, he managed to choke out what he had to say. Something inside him was still railing at him for that. Something inside thought Robin didn't deserve an apology, that hitting him in the face had been a self satisfaction.

And it had, a little bit.

" I didn't mean to lose my cool. I just thought… but that was stupid. "

Robin nodded. He knew what Beastboy had thought. It had bothered him a bit at first, but really, he had been attracted to Raven. A long, long time ago.

" It's alright. I'd do the same if it was Star. "

Beastboy blinked.

" No, dude. It's not.. Not like that. I mean Rae's just.. I.. I wanted to look out for her."

God. He was so dense. Robin wanted to slap him in the forehead.

" Beastboy.. You don't punch people over stuff like that. Not unless you really care about the person you think your defending. Are you sure you don't have any romantic feelings for Raven?"

Gar ran a hand through his hair, quietly thinking to himself. He'd be a hypocrite if he said he hadn't thought about it. But did he really want her enough to call it love? Enough to have to deal with Robin knowing how he felt about her, possibly telling her?

" I like her, don't get me wrong. She's a great person. But let's be honest; I don't have a chance with Rae. She's just too different from me. Besides, I don't know if she'd even be interested. I tried to hug her the other day, she kicked me in the balls. "

Robin managed a straight face for about ten seconds. And then..

Raven and Starfire rolled their eyes from the kitchen, hearing the loud, resounding laugh from some part of the house.

"She did what? Well… did she ask you to let her go?"

" Yeah, but I was worried so I didn't."

" Bad idea. "

" Yeah.. I kinda noticed dude. "


	7. Urges

AN: Alrighty, thank you for mah 11 reviews for this chapter. It astounds me the sheer amount of people view a chapter and add it to their alerts without reviewing. It's okay though. At least I know it's interesting. Besides, Rabula-fuckin-Tasa reviewed mah stories. I am positively in glee mode at this time.

Sorry for the wait on updating, I was honestly sidetracked by my other projects, nto the least of which being twin daughters and the adoption of two sibling kittens who were feral. Adjusting them has been a bit higher on my priority list. And PLEASE GOD NO TELETUBBIES. The mysteries will be solved in time.

This chapter was instigated by the song Iko Iko, by the Dixie Cups. Because it mentions a man in green being a lover. That and Jeffree Star's " Eyelash Curlers and Butcher Knives", and " Ice Cream". Oh, and Caffeine free Coke.

* * *

Raven was busy cleaning her room.

Not that it ever got so bad in the dirt department. A dust here, a wet washcloth for a tea spill there. But it made her feel adult and responsible, and it took her mind off annoying thoughts. She had music in the small stereo she owned, the music thumping out at just enough volume to motivate her but not fill her with the urge to move faster then a walk.

Raven didn't dance. Not since that Malchior incident. Dancing obviously wasn't her strong point. That was sarcasm and logical thinking. Mostly sarcasm. Not that she did much of that either. Lately, her mind had been occupied by other things.

Like Beastboy. Beastboy and Robin and Control Freak. Protectiveness and rage. The way his eyes had glinted emerald daggers one moment and concerned ferocity the next. She felt a flutter in her stomach and went back to vacuuming. Ridiculous. Absolutely so, even. No independent, self reliant, intelligent, happily reclusive woman would want someone trying to protect her from any and every thing on earth.

But for some reason, she had to admit it was endearing.

Everything Beastboy did was, now that he had desisted with the horrific and sometimes suicide worthy jokes.

She just hoped she didn't hurt his feelings when he realized that she would remain unaffected by his charm.

Yes; unaffected. Completely. Absolutely.

Sighing in a ragged breath, she cut off the vacuums power. Meditation time.

* * *

Beastboy had turned on the radio to drown out thoughts about the worlds favorite half-demon. He was a bit surprised to hear the bit of foreign language in the chorus. And then the English started. He involuntarily felt his hips start to move. Instantly, he decided this was a great song. Even if it was a bit weird. Absently moving his body to the music, he kept on cooking his breakfast, the tofu smelling both awful and delicious to him in turns.

When the announcer said the song was about voodoo he felt the hairs on his neck stand up, but ignored it. It was still a pretty good tune. He heard some background noise before the volume was jerked down by a good half. Robin then. Only Robin was that quiet. The Boy Wonder took a seat at the table with a notebook and a calculator, fingers tapping away at whatever he was working on; as usual.

Instead of instigating a fight over the music, Gar left it alone. It had been a bit too loud anyway. Amy Winehouse was crooning loud enough for him to hear now; without the static hurting his ears. He finished his food and plated it, taking a seat across from Robin; sharing a table but not a thought. He wondered if Raven had forgiven them yet. If she even was angry in the first place.

Raven's disappointment was often more awful then her anger. Anger faded. Disappointment from someone like Raven was hard to revoke. She still hadn't forgiven Terra. Even after the girl had saved them; sacrificing herself. Raven still hated her, and whenever anyone mentioned they were going to visit her final resting place, something usually broke. Or Raven just left; without saying a word.

Grudges were the only children he thought she would ever have. But he couldn't be angry with her for it. Terra had hurt Raven more then any of them, except him. She had only taught Beastboy about betrayal. She had replaced Raven. Even if nobody else would admit that. Terra had filled in the void Raven's powers created between all of them.

And instead of fighting that, she had allowed it. Because something inside of Raven wondered if any of them would notice she was gone. And by the time they had, Beastboy knew they had possibly been close to losing her.

He remembered the last words she spoke to Terra.

' It'll be the last thing you ever do.'

And he had known Raven meant it. She would have killed Terra in that moment with no regrets ; no Azarathian concepts of life being precious would have stopped her in her pursuit of the geomancer.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. Starfire smiled then, floating above him to sit on the inside of the booth, Cyborg having long ago occupied the seat to Robin's left. He smiled, before taking a bite of tofu.

" How was your morning?"

Star thanked him for asking with a giant grin. He loved that about her. Even though Raven and Star were polar opposites, they both had the ability to cheer him up because every smile they showed him was genuine, even if Raven's were rare. Her civilian clothing was much less revealing then her uniform thankfully. She looked eager, body tense in some kind of wonderful anticipation.

" It was quite wonderful! Raven has agreed to take me to a lunch; and then I hope to convince her to accompany me to Titans East. Speedy has asked for some help with something; and Raven does enjoy occasional conversations with Aqualad."

The silverware clattered onto the table.

In two pieces.

" Uhm.. I'm just going to.. "

And then Beastboy left the table so quickly that he didn't hear Starfire's rather loud whisper in Robin's direction.

" Was that what you had in mind? "

A single nod of the head sent the Tamaranian on her way. Satisfied that she had helped her friends get over their childish ignoring of romantic feelings.

* * *

Raven heard the knock at her door before it opened and slammed shut in the same second. She flinched involuntarily before turning, black energy dissipating when she saw it was only Beastboy. Her glare had no effect however, when he advanced, too close but far enough back as to not receive an energy jolt from her.

She didn't know what the emotion in his eyes was, but it was pathetic looking and desperate. Demanding and yet scorned.

" Do you have some mental instability I am currently unaware of? In most countries, you are allotted the time to approve a soliciting knock on your door, before said solicitor of your company comes in. "

He blinked once. Of all the things she could say; it was something about knocking. Beastboy decided to ignore her. The rapid slam and rush of his heartbeat was enough to convince him that if he didn't say something to her now he might regret it.

" Why are you going to see him?"

He was gasping for breath and had no clue why. He had more then enough air. But still, his hands were braced on his knees. And he was shaking. That anger and pain inside of him was making him tremble like a leaf in the wind; wanting and resisting and needing and repressing in turns.

Beastboy wasn't an animal.

Raven wasn't impressed. She actually looked a bit offended. Hands wrapped around her stomach, fingertips touching her ample hips. Her face so cold and regal, eyes dancing with a challenge for him he could never decipher. What did she want from him? And what did he see in her?

" Who I talk to isn't any of your business Beastboy."

" It is if he's my friend; and I don't think he would have good intentions. "

There. He had said it. She was ice in human form, raising an eyebrow to question either his words or his character or some damned thing.

" The same ill intentions Robin had? I don't need you trying to protect me out of some preconceived notion that since I have been having trouble lately I can't take care of myself. I can. And your insistance on trying to tell me what's best for me is really getting old fast. "

Later; Beastboy would blame it on the way she turned her back on him. And Raven would pass it off as a stray moment of weakness on his part, letting the Beast touch his actions. Because surely the real Beastboy wouldn't do something like this. But whatever excuses they made; neither of them could say that for the smallest moment..

They had enjoyed themselves immensely.

* * *

Raven had felt his hand on her shoulder, the grip uncomfortable and very unlike him. When she opened her mouth to complain; she was turned the rest of the way around by the force of Beastboy's anger, pulled taut against him; two livewires coming together to amplify the voltage to a dangerous level. She hissed as the insignia of Scath bloomed on her skin . He returned it in animal instinct; the feel of her hot, black coated arms warm and delicious.

Then Raven felt the soft pinch of a fang against her lip, before Beastboy locked his mouth onto her own, forceful but soft enough for her to be frightened and aroused at the same time.

The litany in his mind was enough for her to hear in the intensity of his emotions.

**'Mine.'**

Her eyes closed, his hot breath mingling on her skin, her frequently worried lips returned Beastboy's kiss with the same intense pain he was giving into her. She didn't even realize her control was lost. Instead, Raven felt her hands grip his shoulders, before sliding around his neck. Her grip was enough to make slivers of red appear beneath his skin, but neither of them saw or cared.

He didn't know when her legs became locked around his waist, or their bodies started arching together, her soft breasts crushed to his whipcord thin chest hard enough to hurt. Her taste and that delicious smell was anointing him. Begging him to continue, to make her his. Her blood called to him to taste it again.

Her body begged him to mate her.

But somewhere inside of Beastboy, he knew that this wasn't right. That this wasn't entirely him. And it wasn't Raven either. It wasn't until he broke the kiss, and managed to reign himself in a fraction that he saw how shocked she was. The shelves rattled as he tried to find a source other then himself to blame.

He didn't have to look far.

Letting out a surprised shout, he grunted in pain when a nearby bookend cracked him between the shoulders. Her eyes glowed with white fire instead of red. Raven shook, and he knew she was frightened and worried and so upset.

" Get out."

"Rae-"

"Get **Out**!"

A current of raw energy carried him out of the room and into a wall. And through it. And when he landed on the living room floor, the others hovered around him. And they saw what he had. Star covered her mouth with a hand.

" Beastboy.."

His body was covered in the twisting black runes of the Mark of Scath.


End file.
